I don’t really know where to begin… My heart is SO full. This little boy has impacted my life WAY more than he will ever be able to comprehend. He has taught me patience, love, sacrifice, selflessness, more patience, hard work, what being tired really means, and most of all how to be Christ-like. When andy and I started talking about having a baby I would have never guessed how much I would learn in such a short amount of time.
This past week has been particularly rough.. I don’t know if it is because I have a teething baby who seems to need me every second of every day, I don’t know if its because I’ve been eating like crap, not being able to go to work as much, and get me time?? who knows. But it has been plain hard. Sunday i started feeling down and disconnected with Demetrios. I was so confused why after 8 months of feeling so much love and connection with him I was not motivated to take care of him. Luckily Andy was home this day and he helped me tremendously. Yesterday rolled around and I still felt like I was in this funk. I got up early took 2 hours to go to pilates, then go for a run so I could get some me time before Demetrios woke up, hoping it would help my feelings. But it didn’t, I got home from my run and still felt unmotivated. So I told andy I should call my doctor and let him know what was going on. For those of you that don’t know i have been on 25 mg of Zoloft sense Demetrios was born. This has always worked wonders for me and I haven’t had the desire to wean off. I told my doctor I was concerned that maybe my dose was to high now (because i doubt it would just stop working after working for so long) or something just wasn’t right! He told me to come in on Wednesday and we will chat about some options. I was sad and really wanted to get in to see him yesterday. I said a prayer to heavenly father and somehow I made it through the day. Andy got home from work and I cried to him that I didn’t want him to have to go to work tomorrow, and why was all this happening to me again. I was very confused. But Andy reminded me that everyone has bad days so I kept on keeping on. That night I started feeling better, and by this morning i felt like my normal self again. I don’t know why the past week I have felt so crummy, but maybe it was heavenly fathers way of telling me not to get upset when that certain little someone cries and whines for me and just wants to snuggle. Instead soak in these memories because they grow so fast. I always promised myself that I would never take these days for granted because I hate regrets. I got a swift kick in the rear from heavenly father telling me to ENJOY my little boy, being a mother, and all the hard days that accompany it.
Demetrios is my saving grace, at the end of the day I can see his sweet face and immediately feel at peace. I hope and pray this little boy will grow up and realize the pure love his mamas has for him, find a beautiful bride to take to the temple, and one day have a child of his own, and understand even just a fraction of what his own mother went through. Andy and Demetrios are my “home,” my
safe place, and I can’t imagine doing life without them.
My dear friend Erin took some ” Mommy and Me” pictures for me a couple weeks ago, and i couldn’t be more happy with how they turned out. I will cherish these forever.